Wilted Flower
by Annabelle536
Summary: A wilted flower can bloom once more even when it's petals have gone black. Kanao was no different, even if she had to experience the worst before she could feel positive.


**_Overflowing Emotions_**

**AN: First time writing for something that isn't a movie let's see how it goes. I'm a bit upset that there aren't more Kanao centric stories since she's such a fascinating character (at least to me) and I refuse to believe that for years she remained emotionless, she was bound to feel at least some kind of feeling. There are heavy spoilers for the manga, especially Chapters 142 and +, so warning there. I myself aren't exactly caught up in the manga ( I only know cause I was spoiled) so some of this is au. Please enjoy my (attempt) at a Kanao centric.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**WARNING: Again SPOILERS for Chapters 142 +. I really don't want to spoil anyone like I was.**

* * *

_** Envy**_

Why? Why? Why? _Why?_

Kanao watched from her place in the shadows as Shinobu delivered the news about the death of Kanae to the other girls.

She watched with a frown as they burst into tears and held onto each other, mourning the loss of the woman who gave them a second chance. The woman that gave _her _a second chance. The woman that never judged her for not acting human enough. The woman who held hope that maybe one day… she would be able to open up her heart once more.

Holding her hands close to her, Kanao wondered why she didn't feel a deep ache within her chest at the sight. Shouldn't she feel devasted? Lost? Overcome with emotion that she too should be shedding tears for the woman who helped escape her old life and helped with making decisions she couldn't bring herself to make on her own? The woman who swore to her that she would help shed the darkness that surrounded her heart?

Kanao wondered if there was something wrong with her because she didn't feel that as she took in the view before her.

No. What she felt was something deeper. Uglier. She didn't want to feel this way. She hated herself for even feeling a smidge of it. She hated herself for being able to feel this before she could experience what the feeling of joy is.

_She _wanted to cry. _She _wanted to be held by Shinobu and told that everything will be okay. _She _wanted to feel something. _Anything _remotely close to grief._ Because if she felt grief then, then, it would mean she cared about Kanae-san… wouldn't it? _Why? Why is she feeling this way towards the other girls? Why can't she cry?

And yet she can't because she still remembers what happens if she sheds tears. She doesn't know what this horrible emotion is. She never felt it before. Maybe she felt it once when she discovered the cold bodies of her siblings because at least _they _were free from this pain but _she _had to continue.

She wondered if Kanae is disappointed in her.

Her frown deepens when she realizes she can't bring herself to care.

* * *

** Despair**

Kanao knows what despair is. She felt it when she was a child. When her parents would hurt her and she would beg them to stop because _it hurts, it hurts and she wants them to just stop._ Even before knowing the name of the emotion it became familiar as the days go past. She felt it when she realized her siblings wouldn't be warm again and she wondered if she was so awful that they left her behind without a thought.

After she heard the snap, she never felt that again. She never wanted to feel it again.

Until today.

Kanao paced around the garden frantically because Shinobu wasn't back. She wasn't back and she _promised _she would be back before nightfall. That was two days ago, and she wasn't back. _She wasn't back. She wasn't back._

"_I'll be back before the sun sets Kanao," Shinobu had smiled as she sheathed her sword. "Look out for the others while I'm gone okay."_

Kanao trusts her master's skills. She's seen first-hand what Shinobu is capable of. But didn't they say the same thing about Kanae? Didn't they say she was the Flower Pillar for a reason? Didn't they all say Kanae would be back soon? Didn't they all say Kanae would be okay?

They lied.

They lied and Kanae died.

Maybe they lied and Shinobu...

Her chest hurt. Her head hurt. Her eyes heart from straining them in the darkness as she frantically looked around for her sister and they hurt when she squeezed them tight when she failed to find her. Her legs hurt because she's been unable to sit since Shinobu failed to come back when she said she would. Her arms hurt from practicing her swordsmanship, but she needed something to do to distract herself from this gut-wrenching feeling.

When Kanae died there was no time to feel this way because it all happened at once that she only felt numb when Shinobu told her because _Kanae was strong she wasn't supposed to die_. The string hadn't mended itself and she couldn't bring herself to feel no matter how hard she tried to force herself to. She had wondered if the string would ever become one again. She _hated_ herself for wishing it wouldn't.

With this feeling in her chest that made it hard to breathe (Shinobu will be angry when she found out she halted her Total Concentration Breathing, Shinobu would be angry regardless with one look at her) but Kanao didn't care.

An angry Shinobu is better than no Shinobu and Kanao desperately wanted her sister here to yell at her. Shinobu hadn't really expressed anger since Kanae died but there were moments where even Shinobu's anger was reawakened.

Why? What was the point in feeling these- these emotions if it only hurt her?

Why would anyone want an amended string to feel this pain?

* * *

** Anger**

She glared.

She glared at the white walls in her room. She glared at the door. She glared at anything her gaze could find.

Yet, she refused to even _glance _at the coin that lay on her bedside.

The choice was wrong. It was wrong and it resulted in people getting hurt and _why couldn't she make the simple decision herself?_

Why couldn't she trust herself to choose one thing over the other? Why was it _so hard_? Why couldn't _she _be strong like the others?

She was angry yes. Not at the coin. The coin was gifted to her by Kanae and she could never hate anything involving Kanae.

No. What Kanao was angry at. Was herself.

No matter how strong she became it wasn't enough. Despite the praise from Shinobu and others on her talents of becoming a Demon Slayer, Kanao knew the cold truth.

She may be stronger physically but in her state of mind, she would always be that little girl with the empty eyes and equally empty soul. It would be an amazement if she didn't die within the next year.

No other Demon Slayer relies on solely orders or _coins _to make decisions.

* * *

** Apathy**

Kanao remembered when she first arrived at the Butterfly Estate she couldn't remember feeling anything. She felt no wonder in the new place that is her home, no joy in the nature that surrounded, no sadness for the loss of her siblings. She couldn't- _wouldn't _bring herself to do it.

Shinobu and the others tried getting her interested in activities. Medicine, gardening, her training as a swordswoman in the Breath of Flower, cooking… they tried and she wanted to enjoy partaking in activities they clearly enjoyed and thought that maybe she could enjoy it too.

But she never did.

She learned about the poisons Shinobu created, she understood how they worked. She understood the different methods of treatment and how to diagnose others or herself. Learning all of it was done manually with no sense of emotion but with every intention of committing it to memory. Shinobu spent hours teaching her the different procedures and Kanao wouldn't make her regret doing so.

Gardening was much the same. She understood what needed to be done, what flowers grow better during which season and how to properly fertilize. Being out in the sun and on her knees was something she didn't exactly like but it was a harmless task she can partake in. Cooking was out of the question. It was better to leave that in the capable hands of Aoi.

Which only left her training. It was the only thing that remotely made her feel anything. Granted those feelings aren't positive since she spends her time imagining the future demons she'll encounter.

Flower Breathing.

For the longest time, Kanao looked at Flower Breathing, not as a tie to Kanae but a means to dispose of demons. She felt no emotional tie no matter how much she wished. She wasn't able to get the sad reminiscing look Shinobu wore when she perfected the breathes as she continued to grow. She ignored the looks from the other girls as she learned to turn her choppy movements to elegant twirls, like the petals of a flower flowing in the wind.

She couldn't find joy in the last thing her sister taught her before dying.

At least, not at the time.

* * *

**Grief**

Tears.

These tears won't stop falling.

She couldn't bring herself to stop them even if she wanted too.

For the first time in years, she freely allowed the tears to drip from her eyes and onto the ground.

The pain in her chest.

The pain in her heart.

It hurts. It hurts. **_It hurts._**

Shinobu.

Her sister Shinobu. Her sister Kanae.

Gone…

A sob ripped through her throat and she crushed her hands to her chest desperately holding the hairpins that once belonged to her sisters. She held the hairpins as though she could hold onto her sister's memories, the feelings, everything. If only for a moment… she could keep them with her.

Everything came crashing into her at once. Anger. Hate. Despair. Shock. Remorse.

Grief.

Her eyes widened in realization.

Grief? She was sad.

Her hand touched her cheek where tears continued to fall. Is this what feeling sad felt like?

_People express themselves differently, _Kanae once said.

Is this? After all these years… is it possible?

_Every person is shaped by the different experiences they face, whether it was painful or cheerful every experience is marked on a person's soul._

Remembering her childhood was never what Kanao took joy in. She hated anything to do with how she was raised and treated. It took her years to understand what she went through wasn't her fault nor was there anything she could have done to escape it. But even she couldn't deny it was what helped killing demons easier. She had no emotional ties with anyone. At least, that's what she believed.

_Just because you're a wilted flower right now Kanao doesn't mean you won't be able to bloom one day._

Kanao leaned forward clutching the last remnants of her beloved sisters close to her. This pain. This agonizing pain in her chest burned and the tears flowed faster. Like water desperately trying to put out the flames. She should hate this feeling but, for the first time in her life, Kanao didn't feel like a puppet that would twist and turn and obey the one pulling the strings. Obey the orders she never refused.

No. She felt human. She felt human and these tears, this pain she felt was her finally allowing herself, acknowledging the emotions she locked away and refused to name.

_Butterflies may not be as important as bees, but they will help a flower grow until that flower is ready to face the sun alone. To bloom and become the beautiful flower within._

Another sob tore through her throat.

_I'm sorry, Kanae, _Kanao through the tears that clouded vision. _But this time I did it properly, right? I did well, right?_

Was this mourning? Was she finally able after all these years shed tears for the one she loves? Was mourning this painful?

The aching pain in her chest, she didn't feel this way when Kanae died. She didn't feel like her world was taken from her. She didn't- she didn't feel anything.

_Shinobu. I wanted- I wanted to go home together. Shinobu..._

Kanao squeezed her eyes shut but the tears slipped through and they wouldn't stop. She didn't want them to stop.

**_There's no stopping these overflowing emotions._**

* * *

**\+ 1 Gratitude**

Kanao smiled as she stood surrounded by the flowers in the garden under the light of the morning light.

It was done. After years of hardships, of repressed feelings and being surrounded by the aura of death, it was all finally over.

Muzan fell and so had the demons.

It was all done.

All the sacrifices that were made, the lives that were lost to reach this moment had not been in vain.

She looked up to the sky and wondered if they were up there. If her beautiful and strong sisters had reunited and were in peace.

Smiling she touched her hairpin. Kanae's had broken during the fight but luckily Shinobu's was still intact. She couldn't explain it but she could've sworn she felt… a presence as she clutched the remnants of her sisters. Somehow she felt, that perhaps, it was them. She hoped she made them proud. She hoped she brought them peace now that the demon that took them from her was dead. She hoped…

_Kanao smiled as she watched as others celebrated the defeat. The surviving demon slayers had made their way back to the Butterfly Estate where they all received treatment._

_She saw as some smiled, others laugh and more cried over their fallen comrades, and yet no one could deny the relaxed atmosphere neither had felt in what seemed like centuries. It was like dawn had finally arrived after a moonless night._

_Her hand gently brushed through Nezuko's hair as she slept. They had no idea if when she awoke she would be human but Kanao felt hope. The blossoming feeling in her chest grew which each stroke of her hand, mimicking the way Kanae's had when she awoke with night terrors or when Shinobu brushed her hair sometimes._

_Her hand wavered._

_Her sisters. Her sisters who gave their lives so they could reach this day._

_"Kanao."_

_She turned to see Tanjiro softly smiling at her. What a gentle beautiful smile he had..._

_"It's okay. I'm sure they'd be proud of you."_

She had excused herself right after unwilling for them to see.

She needed a moment.

_Thank you._

For smiling at me as you snatched me away. For giving me a way to make decisions when I couldn't listen to my heart. For teaching me when I believed I was worth nothing. For never giving up hope that day I would open up to feeling emotions once more. For being my sister that taught me kindness was something I can give, even to those who don't deserve it.

_Thank you._

For throwing money in the man's face to snatch me away from a life I never wanted. For taking me under your wing and showing me I too can fly. For never judging my inability to show emotions even during the most painful experience. For never treating me as anything less than your student, than your sister. For being the sister that taught me that my weaknesses are a strength if I know how to use them.

Kanao held her hand close to her chest. To her heart. This time there was no agonizing pain. Yes, the pain was still there and she knew it would always be there. But she resolved herself to not allow her to stop living. She had too. Her sister's lives were taken and she would not allow herself to wallow in her pain. She owed them. She owed them her life and she would live it. For her sisters she will live, she will smile and she will endure.

_Kanae. Shinobu. Thank you. Thank you for everything._

Kanao never viewed herself as anything important. She viewed her life as something short and fleeting that would end and no one would even care. She never valued herself or saw anything worth saving. She was just a poor girl whose parents didn't even bother giving her a name. Whose life meant less than a pile of paper and a bag of coins.

But to Kanae and Shinobu she meant something. They saw something worthy in her empty eyes and decided to take her in. They saw someone who could become worthy to continue the Breath of Flower. Someone worthy of becoming Shinobu Kocho's tsuguko. Someone worthy in carrying the Kocho name when it's predecessors have passed.

They viewed her as a sister.

For that, she would always be eternally grateful.

**_The once wilted flower now stood tall before the sun, thanks to the tender care of two butterflies._**

* * *

**_ An: _**I hope I was able to make Kanao an interesting character. Please review and tell me what you think. Thank you.


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